I’m Not Crazy; I’m a Christian
Kat Merrigan
Your Lips Are Moving…But Nothing Else Is
I wonder how many songs have been written from the perspective of someone calling out someone else for saying one thing and doing another. Think about the number of times you’ve watched a scene in a movie or TV show where one character is so frustrated because another character didn’t follow through with what they said they were going to do, or their actions didn’t align with their spoken words. Empty promises. Lies. Lip service. Great literature and art is filled with all of it.
And so are our lives.
I’m certain I’m not the only person who has experienced someone promising to do or be something and then not living up to that promise. If I’m being honest, on occasion I too am guilty of saying one thing and doing the opposite.
This article isn’t meant to beat us up. We’re human. We will fail and disappoint each other. It comes with the territory. The reason for this piece is to begin to look at the why of the what. Why do we find ourselves speaking one thing and acting differently? At what point does it go from being a sporadic transgression to a permanent lifestyle?
I don’t know about you, but I want to believe people. I want to take them at their word. If someone says they love me, why wouldn’t I want to believe them? In contrast, if someone says they don’t, I should be able to take that at face value as well.
The problem occurs when the words and the actions or behaviors do not comport with each other. If a person tells you they need you but makes little to no effort to be with you, what should you think? If a friend claims to care for you deeply but never seems available when you need them, are you important to them? If an employer constantly praises your work but doesn’t get you the raise or promotion, are you being used?
Why don’t our words and actions always line up with each other?
In my case, sometimes I don’t want to disappoint someone in that moment, so I’ll agree to be there, or call, or whatever. It’s selfish, actually. I’m clearly not doing it to spare their feelings. I’ve just postponed their disappointment to a time that is more convenient for me (preferably when I’m not in their presence and can send a text or leave a message).
It may be that we’re so quick to want to say something we don’t weigh out the consequences of our statements. We’re in such a hurry to respond that we may not understand the full impact of what we’re saying.
We can take some comfort in knowing that we are not the first people to struggle in this area. You know I brought receipts. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from the NIV version at biblegateway.com, emphasis added.)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20)
I can say with complete transparency that I rarely, if ever, am quick to listen and slow to speak. Don’t get me wrong. I believe the term that best describes me is an active listener. When someone is speaking to me, I’m engaged sometimes to a fault. I keep sidetracking their main story with questions and requests for more details. I’m all in on what the person is saying, but I do find myself wanting to have a good reply: an answer to their problem, a sympathetic verbal gesture, something. I can’t just listen and process. Am I the only one?
This can be especially difficult when it’s someone I truly care about. I want to help them, so I get into rescue 911 mode and quickly commit myself. Then I leave the conversation and realize I just said “yes” to help them paint their cathedral ceilinged bedroom on Saturday when it’s going to be a balmy 95 degrees and their air conditioner is on the fritz! I’ve got to get out of it. The lame excuse is eventually formulated and shared. I get out of the obligation that I never should have allowed to happen in the first place. No real harm done…except for my overwhelming guilt and that person being right back where they started from before I got involved.
Actions speak louder than words.
As I mentioned earlier, we’ve probably all engaged in saying one thing and doing another. These are not our finest moments, but I would venture to say that most of us keep these situations to a minimum. But I’m sure we all know someone who is a chronic offender.
This person talks a great game but when it comes time to actually come through, they’re nowhere to be found. If you’re in relationship with a person like this, what happens over time? You begin to realize that you can’t count on them. You don’t trust their word. It becomes something similar to the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you’re not familiar with the tale, a young boy keeps lying about a wolf coming and panicking everyone. Eventually, they just dismiss him. Then the wolf actually shows up.
I remember hearing that story as a child and being taught that we should always be honest. I agree wholeheartedly with that in theory, but it isn’t always easy to practice. Think about it. If my friend asks me to help paint her bedroom, should I answer honestly and say, “No, I can’t. I don’t have anything to do. I just really don’t want to spend a Saturday dripping in paint and sweat.” I could but that would fall under the category of brutal honesty, emphasis on the brutal. There’s a decent likelihood that our friendship could suffer from such an exchange. Is it worth it?
As with most things in life, there are layers to the words vs actions scenario. Sometimes we may say what we think the person wants or needs to hear in the moment. We may be trying to spare them from hurt or pain. Our rationale could be purely innocent, or we could just be a liar who lies.
You know I consider myself a resident expert on absolutely nothing. But I’ve been living this life for over 50 years, and I hope I’ve learned a few things during that time. What I’ve been realizing over the past year or two is how little I know about me.
I openly admit that I overthink just about everything, but until recently I never spent much time diving into my why of the what. Why did I say that? Why didn’t I say that? Why did I do that? My forensic analysis of a conversation’s corpse is typically focused on the other person. Why did they say that? Why did they do that? I realized I’ve taken a passive, reactive role in so many areas of my life. I’m seeing that I’ve spent far too much time waiting for someone else before I begin almost anything. I have a feeling I’m not the only one. Perhaps that’s a topic worth diving into at another time.
Making our words and actions align is a juggling act. We want to be honest, but not to the point of brutality. We want to be helpful, but not to the point of overcommitting ourselves. It can be hard to keep it all together. There will be times when we drop the ball. That’s OK as long as it doesn’t become a habit. And the last thing we want to do is not merely drop the ball but have it thrown dodgeball style at someone else. (Sidebar: why was dodgeball ever an acceptable gym class activity in elementary school? It’s basically sanctioned school bullying and bordering on gang violence. But I digress.)
For those who more than dabble in misalignment between their words and actions, please stop it! This will not end well. But never take my word for it. Check this out:
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:36-37)
You may be able to avoid the consequence here, but a day will come for all of us when we’ve got to face it. That day it’ll be too late to change, so I strongly encourage you to consider doing so now. Just a suggestion.
I want to close with a couple of verses that I believe can help us in our quest to have a healthy union between our words and our actions. May they live long and prosper.
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33-37)
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
The Spirit Of The Age
Let me begin with a confession. I have never watched a single episode of the hit series Stranger Things. For some reason I tend to not participate in most hit show trends. I only watched one or two episodes of The Walking Dead. Never watched Game Of Thrones or Breaking Bad. Many years ago, however, I did get caught up in the world of True Blood. (I repented for that later on. But I digress.)
I mention Stranger Things because though I’ve never watched it, it’s hard to escape it. There’s always another story excerpt, clip or spoiler online. I particularly enjoy how they’re reviving some of the great music from the 80s (most recently with Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill).
The show deals with supernatural themes and good versus evil. Of course, it’s not the only program to incorporate such concepts. These ideas are often quite popular and garner a decent audience. I think many of us are drawn to movies and TV shows that deal with something beyond our earthly realm and understanding. I’ve been fascinated with life beyond our planet since I first saw William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk on Star Trek with his a-little-too-snug-fitting uniform, black boots, slicked-back hair and tons of attitude. I grew up on the original Star Wars trilogy. (Big crush on Han Solo.) I’ve shared my love for comic books and superheroes with you in previous posts. Ghostbusters is still one of my favorite movies. I watched all 15 seasons of the TV series Supernatural. I find it all very interesting.
But lately I’ve come to learn that truth really is stranger than fiction.
As the topic of UFOs and unexplained phenomena moves from the tin-foil-hat-wearing-crowd to the mainstream, you may find yourself wondering, “When exactly did I walk onto the set of ‘Signs’ and does Joaquin Phoenix still remember how to swing away?” (Some of you got that reference.) These are strange days indeed.
If we take a step back and look over the past 2+ years, we begin to see how different everything seems to be. Just as we used to measure time as B.C. and A.D., it feels like now it’ll be known as pre-Covid and after. (I’m not bold enough to say post-Covid because it seems like that pesky virus is going to keep on keeping on.)
For those of us who have been part of the faith-based community, we’re taught that there is a natural realm and a spiritual one. The natural realm is based on the physical world and everything we experience in it. The realm of the spirit is something different. We don’t live in that world, but we can have access to it and it can have influence on us.
As children many of us are taught that we each have a guardian angel. The angel’s job is to protect us and keep us safe. The angel watches over us. We can’t see this angel, but it’s always there. It’s a comforting story to tell a child who’s afraid of the dark or just had a bad dream. But is there any truth to it?
Perhaps.
The Bible is filled with occasions where humans were visited by angels either in dreams, visions or concrete manifestations. I could give you all the verses, but I think this is a journey you need to take on your own. I will, however, help steer you in the direction of a few classic examples. Mary (Jesus’s mother) was visited by an angel to announce that she would be carrying God’s son. Joseph (her future husband) was visited by an angel to let him know it was safe to marry her. Later on an angel warned him of danger coming to his new family. The three wise men and shepherds in the field were visited by an angel announcing the birth of Jesus.
That’s four or five so far and we’re only talking about the subject of Jesus’s birth and infancy! There are so many others. I encourage you to do a search one day for yourself. What I love is that in most cases these incredible encounters are described as just another day in the life. Many people are initially startled and humbled by these angelic beings, but they’re pretty accepting of their presence. They don’t often flip out or run away. In some cases, they even sit down and offer to share a meal with them! I don’t know that I’d be so cool and casual. But perhaps they were able to be so seemingly nonchalant because in their lifetime the natural and the spiritual were more intimately tied together. The veil between the two realms was thinner.
You know I got the receipts. (Any and all verses, unless otherwise specified are from the NIV version of the Bible from biblegateway.com, emphasis added.)
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. (Hebrews 13:2)
Excuse me? This verse has always gotten me. We’re taught “stranger danger” and this is saying to take care of them because they might be a messenger from the Lord?! It can be a little confusing, I must admit. The key is to always use Godly wisdom. You don’t put yourself in harm’s way. But if God puts it on your heart to give someone in need a helping hand, then you may want to listen and obey. The other key take-away from the verse is once again how common interacting with angelic beings was in those times. This other worldly experience is treated rather matter-of-factly.
What is the spirit of the age?
If you’ve spent time in church you may have heard this phrase or something similar: “the spirit of the world”. But what does it mean? I went to several sources to try and get a solid definition. Once again, the best answer is found in the Bible. Check this out:
And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:1-7 NKJV)
We don’t like to admit this, but we live in a fallen, broken world. Sin, corruption, selfishness, hatred, and every other kind of vice have free rein here. The prince referred to in the verses above is none other than Lucifer or the devil himself. (Yes, we’re going there.)
If you can believe in the possibility of aliens from other planets, or contacting deceased loved ones through mediums or psychics, or any other supernatural idea, why can’t you consider the very real truth that evil exists?
History is filled with stories of great evil and horrific atrocities. Our present times are no better. Is it not possible that just as there is an Author for all things good that there is someone who stirs up the worst, most awful urges in people? The spirit of the age or of the world is that influence. We call him the enemy.
He can be subtle. He starts with turning the focus onto ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, there is value in self-reflection and assessment. But the spirit of the world isn’t interested in individual betterment to help encourage a more peaceful, loving world. On the contrary, this spirit wants you and me to be consumed with a “what’s in it for me?” view. Self-love and self-care give way to selfishness. The priority is me at all times and in every situation.
One thing to realize about this spirit is that it will always seek to undermine and pervert the things of God. It is against Him. It is at war with His Word. The Bible teaches us this:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, (Philippians 2:3)
How often do you see the value of preferring others over ourselves being espoused? It’s more about getting ahead and not letting anyone or anything stand in our way. Selfish ambition. We get frustrated when someone else gets a promotion or something we thought should have been ours. Could it be pride or vain conceit at work in us? Perhaps.
Here’s a verse that I always find a bit stinging:
He (Jesus) said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight. (Luke 16:15)
Wow. I don’t know that I can add anything to that statement. What we praise and value in this world is detestable in His eyes. God is always about our hearts. It’s very important to, as I often say, know the why of the what. Why are you doing what you’re doing? What is your intention and your motivations?
You may be saying to yourself, “I know the world is screwed up, but it’s not all bad. Besides, I’m a good person. I try to do the right thing.” Don’t hate me for this next verse. Take it up with the Lord:
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. (1 John 2:15)
I understand that it can be overwhelming. God creates a world that we’re to live in, but He wants us to hate it? That’s not precise. There are aspects of it that we are to enjoy. He gave us nature and beauty, all Creation, our loved ones, family, friends. He gives us all gifts and talents, abilities to be used to be productive. This verse is more about not loving the spirit of the age and succumbing to its enticement.
This world is broken. The spirit of the age wants to keep you and me focused on selfish desires. It wants to take what God has made and twist it, change it, flip it on its head until it’s unrecognizable. (Am I the only one who feels like every cultural norm and core value is going through this type of transformation?) It wants to remove objective truth so that there is no commonly agreed upon standard for right and wrong. It desires chaos. And it will use its influence to try and infect us and cause us to stray from the Truth.
It’s a war: a spiritual battle between good and evil.
So what do we do? Once again, the Bible has the answer:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
How do we renew our minds?
We spend time reading God’s Word. We pray, we seek, we fast, we ask. I mentioned earlier that in Biblical times men and women weren’t always completely shocked when an angel would appear to them. Why? I believe it’s because many spent more time: reading, praying, seeking, fasting, and asking. Our prayer life, our time in the Word, our fasting – these are all ways to connect with the spiritual realm, to thin that veil, if you will, between it and the natural.
I’m not talking about anything New Age like astral projection or consulting a spirit board or tarot cards. These are false flags and misrepresentations of the truly divine. They’re counterfeits. If you want the real thing, get in His presence. It is possible. And if you haven’t yet received His Holy Spirit into your life, pray for that. I can tell you from experience that once He is living on the inside of you, it’s as if you put on a new pair of eyeglasses. Things that seemed unclear or hazy come into focus. You can see what’s coming from a greater distance, and you better understand what’s right in front of you.
There are two worlds: the natural and the spiritual. We live in one but should operate out of knowledge and wisdom given from the other. Before we accepted Jesus we were on the losing side, but now we are “more than conquerors”. Doubt me? Good. I’ll leave you with this:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)
Final word of advice: pray before you slay.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
You Were Meant For More
Charles Dickens is arguably most remembered for creating the character of Ebenezer Scrooge. Scrooge, as we all know if we’ve seen any version of Dickens’s A Christmas Carol over the years, is a man of great wealth, power and prestige. He is also a horrible person with little to no redeeming qualities. His heart is bitter and filled with hatred. It is only after one special night where he is visited by three spirits (the Ghosts of Christmas past, present and future) that he realizes the error of his ways.
But we’re not here to discuss old bah humbug Scrooge today. Perhaps we’ll save his story for a December post.
Dickens was a prolific writer and one of my all-time favorites. He created another memorable character in Oliver Twist. Oliver’s story, like Scrooge’s, has been told many times throughout the years. The orphan boy’s story is one of tragedy and triumph. (No spoilers here. Encourage you to read it for yourselves sometime. But be prepared: there are some dark, sad moments in it.)
As I was thinking about this week’s post and the concept of more, I was reminded of a scene from the 1968 musical adaptation Oliver! Our hero is living in squalor with many other children. It’s mealtime and they’re about to get another bowl of gruel. (The name says it all. Gruel. Ick. But I digress.) The children are fed just barely enough to stay alive. Oliver is still hungry after eating his meager portion of watery goop. He courageously steps forward and says, “Please sir, I want some more.” This does not go over well. “More?! You want more?!” Poor Oliver is further screamed at and, basically, assaulted. (I warned you there are some dark parts to this story.)
What do Oliver and his watery porridge have to do with anything?
Thanks for asking. I believe sometimes we’re like our intrepid hero. We’ve been swallowing the gruel three times a day for a while. But one day the hunger pangs we’ve been suppressing and ignoring become so loud and painful that we must do something. We can no longer fight the longing. We want more.
I’ve noticed the world is pretty accepting of someone wanting more of certain things: money, power, success, control, pleasure. But it doesn’t necessarily encourage us to seek more: integrity, character, maturity, real love. Sorry, but I believe if you don’t first crave more of those traits, you may live compromised.
Think about it. I’m sure you know someone either in your own life or someone famous who achieved great success and then fell apart. They had all the stuff: money to burn, men or women flocking around them, houses, cars, trips, boats, etc. Yet they were still unsatisfied. So they turn to drugs or alcohol to try and fill that void. Perhaps they didn’t succumb to those vices, but their medicine cabinet is filled with little prescription bottles to keep them level and functioning. Maybe they managed to avoid substance use or abuse, but they’re still not happy. How come? They got their more. What went wrong?
I may ruffle a few feathers with this part, but my nickname isn’t Kat Controversy for nothing. There are some who would say that it was because of the money and then quote scripture, “money is the root of all evil”. But that is not precise.
Money is NOT the root of all evil.
You know I always bring receipts. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated are from the NIV version at biblegateway.com, emphasis added.)
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6:10)
Money can be used for great good or great evil. The same $1,000 can be used to help or to harm. It is the intent behind its use that matters.
Here’s where I will probably push some buttons. I believe the church has really missed it when it comes to money, success, etc. They seem to vacillate between two extremes: the poverty mindset and the prosperity message. Allow me to elaborate:
The Poverty Mindset
I think this belief system may have started out of a misunderstanding of the verse above. Money is evil, so to truly serve God I must do without. Huh? That’s not a balanced approach. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that sometimes doing without – fasting or giving up something – can be very healthy for your spiritual life. If you’re taking a break from an aggressive pursuit of money that’s been creating a wedge or distance between you and God, then I’m the first to encourage you to go for it. What I’ve noticed, however, is that it seems to be promoted as a more permanent lifestyle situation. They see virtue in their self-imposed impoverished state. They look down upon those who have money as somehow being less spiritual or less enlightened. Let me be clear, I am not speaking against those who make a personal vow to live a certain way in service to God (for example: Mother Teresa). I’m speaking more of a mindset that says, “If God wants me to have more, He’ll do it.” Yes, He will. But have you done your part?
God can bless your finances in an instant. I can say that with confidence because my life is filled with such experiences. The check came just in time or someone blessed me just because God put me on their heart to bless. This happens. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do all that we can do ourselves. We should be productive.
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8)
God doesn’t want us to be in debt!
And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. (Deuteronomy 8:18)
As I stated earlier, it is the love of money that becomes the problem. We are to do the work He calls us to do. He does the rest.
If you’re a parent you know how happy you are to see your children doing well. If your son or daughter gets a job they love and they’re able to provide for themselves and their families, you’re thrilled. Why wouldn’t our heavenly Father want the same for us? If your child needs a little help, a down payment, a loan, and you can give it to them, wouldn’t you? God wants us to do well in this life. You doubt me? Good. Check out this verse:
Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. (3 John 1:2)
In contrast, if you’re a parent and your child is squandering their money or spends all their time trying to get more of it, you’ll be rightly concerned. They’re out of balance. If your child is wasting their abilities, not contributing or being productive, that should trouble you too. You’re less likely to give them that help, down payment or loan. You want to see them succeed but they need to do their part first and keep balanced. God feels similarly toward us.
The Prosperity Message
Now we come to the other side of the spectrum. Many churches have been built around this system. They’ll use that verse I quoted from Deuteronomy 8 as a cornerstone for their doctrine. They too are on a bit of dangerous ground. Jesus said it himself:
No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. (Luke 16:13, ESV)
This is definitely one of my top 5 favorite verses. It just makes the point so perfectly. Many churches preach about serving God or the devil. But the Lord made it plain: you can serve Him or money. The devil will use your love of money and devotion to it to get you to compromise and be corrupt. But you’re still serving money. You are a slave to it not the devil. He’s just manipulating you and taking advantage of you with it.
I’m clearly not against achievement and success. More importantly, neither is God. The concern for both me and the Lord is what happens when you get there. When you work hard and get the job or the gig or the whatever, now what?
He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 5:10, ESV)
And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” (Luke 12:15)
Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life. (1 Timothy 6:17-19)
There are so many other verses I could have included. These are just a few designed to highlight the matter. I encourage you to do your own research. My point in tackling this potentially touchy subject is two-fold:
God wants you to do well and have a full life.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)
Like any loving parent, He doesn’t want to see any of His children in need. He is gracious, merciful and kind. He wants to partner with us to live out our best life here while storing up eternal treasures for ourselves in heaven. Doubt me? Good. Go look it up. (I can’t give you every verse. Where’s the fun in that?)
Stay balanced as you reach for and achieve your goals.
The only way to stay balanced and not become a lover of money is to stay close to God. You cannot change my mind. I’ve seen too many lose their way because they took their eyes off of Him. I mean people that love God and wanted to and did use their resources to help others. I’m not talking about those who lived only for themselves and their own hedonistic desires. God made it clear: in this life you can’t serve Him and money. You’ll reach a point where you have to decide which matters more.
This should be an easy decision because God is greater than anything and everything, but we struggle. I get it. I’ve done it. When the bills are piling up, you have to hold onto your faith, do your part, and trust that God will take care of you. When you’re doing very well, you have to hold onto your faith, don’t get caught up, forget about God’s blessings and get greedy. “Greed is right. Greed works.” No, Mr. Gordon Gekko (aka Michael Douglas’s character in the 80s film Wall Street) you are wrong, sir.
I’ll leave you with the following verse. It encourages and inspires me to be content and satisfied no matter what my bank account or portfolio is telling me. I pray it’ll help you too. You can have more. Just make sure you seek more of Him and His righteousness first. Trust me, God’s provision and blessings are 100% gruel-free.
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Humor. Heart. Hope.
In the famous 1996 movie Jerry Maguire the lead character played by Tom Cruise drafts a mission statement concerning his high-ranking position as an agent for professional athletes. He challenges the status quo by advocating for a more personal, intimate approach between client and agent. He rocks the boat. It’s not spoiling anything to state that after sharing this revelation to others in his industry, things do not go well for him. He’s a disruptor to their world, and many do their best to ruin him.
I was reminded of this great film as I was selecting my topic for this week’s blog post. A couple of years ago, as I began feeling it was time for me to pursue writing as a full-time gig rather than the dabbling I’ve done for decades, I thought about what my mission statement would be. I’d worked in marketing for various corporations for over 20 years, so I understood the significance of having one. It’s designed to create the foundation for the business or venture. It encompasses the ideals and principles that are being strived for in the new undertaking. Future strategies and business plans should be developed with the mission statement always in mind.
I spent time in prayer and contemplation. I knew there would be times where my writing would be strictly for enjoyment. But I wanted to have a purpose, a why to the what for the pieces I craft. I’ve said that sometimes when I’m writing it feels as if I’m taking dictation. I say a quick prayer and ask for guidance. The next thing I know I’ve typed several pages of content. It’s really quite exciting. I often do not know what to expect. It’s a way God uses to still surprise and shake up my overthinking-trying-to-figure-it-all-out-by-myself-all-the-time-brain.
Once my website was ready to launch, I decided I wanted to have a tagline underneath the URL whenever I posted. It had to be something catchy, memorable, but also relevant. (The advertiser in me came out in full force.) It came to me:
Humor. Heart. Hope.
The 3h’s as I call it. I liked it right away, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant. As I prayed about it, God showed me that it’s an abridged version of my mission statement. Allow me to elaborate.
Humor.
I believe you should try and find the funny in life. It isn’t always easy to do, but it is so important for your sanity and well-being. It’s not just me that believes this. You know I brought receipts. (Any and all Bible verses, unless otherwise indicated, are from the NIV version at biblegateway.com, emphasis added.)
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)
Laughter is seen as a symbol of God’s faithfulness. I love to laugh. Don’t you? It’s such a simple, healthy, stress-relieving measure. And is there anything more pure and wonderful than the sound of a child’s laugh?
Heart.
I will admit that my humor tends to be sarcastic and self-deprecating by nature. That’s why it’s vital that I never lose sight of the heart in everything I write. I don’t want to laugh at someone. I’d much rather laugh with someone. Wouldn’t you? (Or we could both just laugh at me, I’m fine with that too.) What can happen when we treat someone’s heart with kindness and give them a dose of laughter? Check this out:
A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. (Proverbs 17:22 NKJV)
Wait a minute. This verse says that a happy or cheerful heart has healing properties like medicine. In contrast, a broken spirit or heart can be quite destructive not only to our emotional and mental health, but to our physical bodies as well. We’ve probably all heard the phrase, “Stress kills.” I encourage you to do your own research on its effects on the body. (This isn’t science class after all.) I do feel confident, however, that we can all agree when our heart is happy, we feel better.
So far we’ve covered 2 of the 3 h’s of my mission statement. I want to lead with humor to make you smile and relax a bit. Once you’re feeling the funny, then it’s time to get to the heart of the matter. This is where I share whatever God has been showing me and speaking to my heart. I’m not foolish or prideful enough to believe that His Words and life lessons are solely for me. They are for anyone who is willing to take the time to listen and, perhaps, learn from them.
Now we come to the final h:
Hope.
My one niece always says I need a happy ending to every story or movie. She’s correct. (Perhaps that’s why I like Jerry Maguire so much.) My philosophy is that the world is filled with disappointments, rejections, and sad or bad endings. If I’m paying good money to watch something, I want to leave happy or at least with a glimmer of hope.
This is my goal with everything I write. After we’ve shared a few laughs, gone deep and gotten to the heart of the matter, I want to finish off with a touch of hope. No, I’m not a peddler of hopium with its warped sense of reality and false promises. Everything may not be OK. Things may not work out the way you want. But God is for you, so even when it seems sideways and twisted, He can turn it right-side up and make it straight again. It may not look like how you pictured it, but it can still be beautiful.
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:24)
Now you know my mission statement.
I have a good friend who has known me for over 20 years. She often says that I am a disruptor. I challenge the status quo concerning faith and religion. My goal is never to start trouble. It’s simply to get back to basics:
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
It doesn’t get more basic and to the heart of the matter than that.
I may not be able to show you the money or be your ambassador of quan, but if you enjoy real talk with: humor, heart, and hope, you should keep coming back.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Are You The Real Deal?
When I was growing up, there was a popular commercial for Memorex™ cassette tapes. (Yes, I am that old, but that’s not the point.) The tag line was, “Is it live or it is Memorex?” The campaign’s premise was that the technology was so state-of-the-art you’d feel as if your favorite band was performing live in your very own living room. In one famous scene a singer’s voice shattered a glass. In the next scene, a Memorex tape of his voice did the same thing. What?! Mind. Blown. (I was easily influenced and not particularly savvy back then. Who knew one day I’d grow up and pursue a career in marketing, specializing in advertising and promotion?)
No matter how great the cassette’s sound quality, however, it was always going to be a representation of the original source: the band, the singer, the 10-year-old kid making up silly voices and stories. It wasn’t the real thing. (Sidebar: have you ever heard a recording of your own voice and thought Who is that!? I don’t sound like that. That voice is horrible. Maybe it’s just me, but I digress.)
Take a moment and consider how many beautiful counterfeits there are when it comes to jewelry. When I was little you could tell “costume” pieces just by looking at them. The fake diamonds looked like glass. The faux pearls were cloudy and yellowed with age. For the most part, they were cheap knockoffs. But times certainly have changed. There are some imitation necklaces, rings, and bracelets that could fool just about anyone, with the possible exception of an expert armed with his jeweler’s glass.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the genuine from the fake.
And I don’t just mean when it comes to determining a flawless diamond from a cubic zirconia. If we’re being honest, and I believe we should be, we must admit that at least once in our lives, someone fooled us. Whether it was a friend, lover, boss, coworker, or even a family member, we got taken in by who they appeared to be. We may have let down our guard and permitted them unfettered access into our life, our heart, maybe even our finances. We didn’t spot their zirconiaism (my new word) until it was too late. The damage was done, and we were left beating ourselves up for not seeing it sooner. We trusted them. They betrayed that trust. Now we may have difficulty trusting anyone. We’re more guarded and on high alert.
Because of past situations, I tend to be pretty suspicious. Whereas before I might have taken people at face value or given them the benefit of the doubt, now I often rush to judgment that you’re probably just another liar who lies. You’ll hurt me at some point. You’re not what you seem to be. You’re not real.
That’s a terrible way to approach relationships. Choosing this subject for an article is forcing me to look within again. I hate that. But I’ve reached a stage of life where I want less drama and more joy, more peace.
How about you?
Are you willing to do the tough things to help live an authentic life?
What do I mean by that? Well, as difficult as it is to admit, I’m not always genuine either. I’m not a liar who lies. If you read my post titled Where Did I Leave That Lasso Of Truth? you know I always wanted Wonder Woman’s™ golden rope. Truth is everything to me. Plus, I learned early on that I have no poker face and lying was not my strong suit. Storytelling I can do all day every day. But lying…not so much. I know you’re probably wondering Isn’t lying a kind of storytelling? Perhaps. But no one gets hurt by my made-up story. People can and do get hurt by lies.
Are there times when you’re not being real?
Yes. Probably more than I acknowledge. With me it’s more about concealing true emotions. I put on an act appropriate for the occasion. If there’s a need for some laughs and silliness, I’m stepping up. Doesn’t matter that inside I might be struggling or hurting. The lights come up, if you will, and I’m ready to perform. I may even enjoy myself in the moment, but later on my true feelings reemerge.
Some of the worst lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves.
I must confess that though I do my best to not lie to others, I do lie to myself. Every time that I deny what’s going on inside and suppress something, I’m living a lie. I don’t think it’s brave to keep pushing your emotions down and pressing on. I do believe sometimes you need to take a break from your own thoughts. Absolutely. But saying you’re OK when you’re not is foolishness.
I understand why many of us choose to put up a façade, to be that beautiful zirconia, shining bright like a diamond. But it’s not real. It’s counterfeit. We only harm ourselves in the long run.
I’m not suggesting that you get deep or vulnerable with just anyone. I started this piece by discussing how we can be deceived and think that someone has our best intentions at heart when in reality they do not. I always believe you should be careful who you let get close to you. They should have to earn VIP access to you. Admittance only comes with time, experience, and prayer.
Yes, I wrote prayer. Only God knows the true heart and motivations of every person. We can be lied to or lie to others. He sees through every lie and deception. He gets to the truth of the matter every single time. He is Truth. Period. Doesn’t it make sense that we should include Him in our screening and selecting process? Shouldn’t we want His input since He’s all-knowing and all that? But we don’t. Why is that?
Could it be that we don’t get real with God because we don’t want Him to get real with us?
I’ve been in relationships where I felt God gently saying, “No” but I kept going ahead. When the inevitable train-wreck of the romance or friendship occurred, I sat in a pile of twisted carnage crying, “Why God? Why?” I knew why. I didn’t listen when I should have and this was the result. Some of this smoldering rubble was due to my decision to stay when He clearly had said, “Go.”
If you’ve read any of my work, you know I always bring receipts. I never want you to just take my word for anything by itself. (All verses are from the NIV version of the Bible at biblegateway.com.)
They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good. (Titus 1:16)
Ouch! This verse stings a bit, doesn’t it? A simpler way of saying this would be that actions speak louder than words. We can say a lot, but do we follow up with behaviors, activities, etc. that affirm what we stated? If we do not, then we’re not being real.
But just in case you were thinking that God is a bit harsh, check out this verse:
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
Jesus lived as one of us on this earth on purpose. He was well acquainted with feelings, emotions, lies, betrayals, deceptions, even downright evil. He confronted and dealt with each encounter with humility and authenticity. He gave us the example, as this next verse indicates:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
How do we pursue an authentic life? A good place to start is with a daily renewal of our minds through reading the Bible and spending time with God to help us flush out the junk and the lies.
In case you were wondering how God feels about lying, may I present this verse:
Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices (Colossians 3:9)
I chose the picture at the top of this post because in it I’m wearing Pop’s vintage bowling shirt circa 1963-1964. It has his name embroidered on the pocket. Clearly I’m not Tom. But if you didn’t know me, you might think it’s a nickname or something. You wouldn’t know that my name wasn’t Tom until I told you. You could speculate or suspect, but you wouldn’t know until I showed you who I really am.
The start of an authentic life begins with being real with God first.
The beautiful thing is He already knows exactly who you are, what you’ve done, and what you can and will be and do. You are safe with Him. He won’t lie, deceive, manipulate, control, use or abuse you. He loves you enough to help you see the areas you need to address to live authentically. He desires for you to achieve a life of abundance, joy, peace, and love. You truly are a diamond to Him, so stop selling yourself short by living in zirconiaism. (I’m really hoping that word catches on. Feel free to use it, just be sure to be real and let everyone know where you heard it first.)
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
The Power Of “No”
One of the first words most children learn to say is “no.” The reason could be because it’s easier to pronounce than “hydrangea” (which I can barely pronounce correctly now). It could also be because it is a word they hear countless times a day. Think about it. They go to touch something they shouldn’t. No. They start to go somewhere they shouldn’t. No. They go to grab the dog by its tail for the hundredth time. No. No. No.
From my earliest recollections, my world was filled with “no”. I wouldn’t categorize myself as a troublesome child, but I would often ask for things I couldn’t have (ice cream for dinner), or want to go somewhere I shouldn’t (my brother’s room when he wasn’t home), or get into things that weren’t mine (Mom’s jewelry). All these occasions and many more yielded a resounding chorus of “No!” from whichever family member caught me. If it was one of my siblings, I was not as receptive to their “no” as when Mom or Dad said it. The folks were in charge. They had the ultimate power of “no”. And they weren’t afraid to use it. I can testify that they used it well and often.
I would venture to say that most of us grow up with a negative perception of “no”. Why wouldn’t we? It’s typically used to discourage or stop. It’s prohibiting, restricting, confining, limiting.
But can “no” actually empower you or set you free?
I used to think it was wrong for me to say it to someone. If, for example, someone asked me to help them do something, I couldn’t say “no”. I’d feel guilty or that I’d be letting them down. Can’t tell you how many times I regretted my “yes”. It would often leave me depleted: physically, emotionally, sometimes financially, and even spiritually. But I couldn’t say “no” because if I did I was being selfish and a bad friend or relative. I had to have a solid justification before I actually would say it. The mere fact that I didn’t want to or that I needed to use the time to accomplish something for myself wasn’t good enough. In certain instances, I needed to actually have an emergency or other competing event in place before I would feel remotely comfortable saying it. Even in those times I would still feel pangs of guilt wash over me. If I really cared, I could’ve found a way to fit both things in on the same day. I suck.
Saying “no” was something to be avoided at all costs.
I desired to be a person of integrity whose word was a bond. I thought that saying “no” or standing up for what I may have wanted in a situation would be a betrayal. It would almost be dishonorable. I cultivated a knee-jerk “yes” reaction to almost anything. Can you help me move? Yes. Can you watch the kids? Yes. Can you help at the fundraiser Sunday? Yes. Yes. Yes.
The problem was the more I said “yes” to other people, the worse I felt. Because with each “yes” I gave to another, I was giving a “no” to me. No, you can’t do that fun thing today. No, you can’t sleep in today even though you had a terrible night and feel drained. No, you can’t stay home and do your laundry that’s piling up rapidly and will soon need its own room. No. No. No.
I think it’s safe to say that the last few years have been some of the most fascinating and challenging of our lifetimes. There are many things I’ve learned, some I wish I could unlearn as certain dark corners of humanity and human nature were exposed. We live in a fallen world. But this season has also given us the opportunity for self-reflection.
The loss of my parents during this time forces me to look back to move forward. As I remember childhood experiences, I’m starting to see patterns emerge that I never took note of before. It’s like the rush you feel when doing a puzzle and you find a bunch of end pieces. The framework can be established.
I never thought I was, but I am a people pleaser.
Even as I typed that sentence, my mind raced trying to figure out a way to rephrase it. Change “I am” to “I can be” or “I am sometimes”. It’s as if my mind refuses to accept this fact. Deal with it, brain! It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human.
The problem is that I consider myself to be strong and independent. I’m not one to run from confrontation or controversy. I’ve been known to enjoy stirring the pot, if you will. How can I be a people pleaser? To me, a people pleaser meant: insecure, weak-willed, pushover. I am not any of those things; therefore, I cannot be a people pleaser.
Except that I am.
It’s not that I need to be liked, but who actually wants to not be liked? My nature is to give. This, in and of itself, is not a bad quality. God loves a cheerful giver. Go look it up. But givers tend to attract takers. If too many relationships are in this lopsided state, the giver will eventually stop as they begin to feel taken advantage of or used. When the giver finally has the courage to admit they have a need, help doesn’t always come swooping in to save the day. The giver stands there with an unmet need and a sense of guilt. Why guilt? As a giver you get used to always being ready to help others. Your needs are put on the back burner. You may or may not get them met, but that’s not what matters. It’s the need that’s in front of you (which is never your own) that is the primary focus. Suppress. Suppress. Suppress until that pile of your needs, much like the laundry you haven’t done in two weeks, takes over. You feel guilty because this mountain-o-needs demands your attention and you can’t give it elsewhere. You’re forced to attend to your own situation.
But I can’t be a people pleaser because I have strong opinions and vocalize them.
Spoiler alert: just because you may pick the movie or the restaurant, doesn’t mean you’re not a people pleaser. In my life, it’s more about my fear of what I might lose if I set up healthy boundaries and use my power of “no” for my own good. If I let someone speak to me in a way that hurts me or makes me uncomfortable and I don’t address it, that’s a form of people-pleasing. I’m permitting something that I don’t like because the thought of having the difficult conversation, or worse that the person will not agree to respect my boundary, is too much for me. So, I let them continue. And I get a little smaller.
A good friend made me realize everyone isn’t a mind reader. In most cases, I don’t believe you should hold people accountable for things they may not know. Clearly, I’m not talking about violent acts. Those are wrong. Period. But if, for example, someone has a tendency to cut you off when you’re telling a story, you might feel like they’re being dismissive. That may or may not be true. The person may not realize you’re feeling that way. At this point, it would seem you have two choices: talk with the person and let them know how you feel, or don’t tell a story. As hard as it may be, I suggest letting them know how you feel. Take the risk. It may improve the relationship. It might kill it. But you don’t know if you don’t try. Once the person is made aware, then they are accountable. The goal isn’t to make them feel as if they have to walk on egg shells around you. It’s also not to let this person dominate every conversation. As this same good friend always says, it’s all about balance.
I must caution you that if you’ve engaged in people-pleasing behavior, as you begin to assert yourself and set healthy boundaries, there will be resistance. People are used to you saying “yes” and now you’re saying “no”. There’s likely to be push-back. How you handle that is up to you. I will encourage you by saying that you and your peace are worth the effort. I can’t guarantee that you won’t lose people. But if it’s a choice between losing them or continuing to lose yourself, you have to choose you. After all, you are with you for the duration.
That’s not a selfish or self-absorbed statement. I’m not advocating living the life of a self-serving narcissist. I’m not suggesting you use other people to get what you want out of them. Absolutely not. Continue to be a generous giver, just be wary of who gets your time and energy. Make sure there’s room in your day for you too. If helping others brings you joy, do it. But don’t feel guilty or ashamed when a day comes that you can’t.
As is my custom, I brought some receipts because I never want you to take my word for anything. (All verses are from the NIV version of the Bible at biblegateway.com.)
All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matthew 5:37)
Another way of saying this verse is to let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no. Be a person of integrity. I would add that integrity starts from within first. Don’t dishonor yourself.
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken. (Matthew 12:36)
I’ve used this verse before because it’s powerful. One day we’ll have to give account for every empty word. I believe this speaks to establishing healthy boundaries as well. If we go along to get along, our words are empty. If we don’t at least attempt to make another understand, then it’s all in vain. If they choose not to listen or respect you afterward, that’s not your responsibility. But never telling them and giving them the opportunity to change most certainly is.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
I often misinterpreted this verse to mean that we should just be accepting and don’t challenge the status quo. Don’t make waves and all that. I’ve realized I wasn’t reading it correctly. I see it now as being our approach to having the difficult conversations. As much as someone’s behavior can hurt our feelings, if we want things to get better we can’t attack them. No one likes to be put on the defensive. Again, I’m not talking about violent, clearly out-of-bound situations. But if it’s the example I gave earlier of someone cutting us off as we speak, or never asking how our day was, or whatever it may be, communication is key. If we come in hot and start blasting them for what “you did to me”, it’s not likely to achieve any positive goal.
This is difficult for me. I’m learning how to rephrase or reframe a conversation. I’ve often been the lit match that starts a verbal bonfire. Now I want to be the cool water that puts out the roaring flames, because my goal is to make the relationship healthier and more balanced. It doesn’t always work, but at least I tried. This brings me to my final verse:
Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. (Proverbs 13:3)
They say timing is everything. Hopefully, after you read this article you’ll think about the areas where you have said “no” to yourself when you should have said “yes”. This verse encourages us to not just have outbursts and blurt things out in the heat of the moment. (I could win awards for doing that. But I’m learning.) The tough conversations are necessary. Making yourself a priority in your own life is essential. Being prayerful and finding peace, even in a storm, is possible. God is with you. I am praying for you. Use your power of “no” for good.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Happiness
Those famous words are enshrined in America’s Declaration of Independence. Here’s the full context (emphasis added):
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,…
If you’ve never read the Declaration in its entirety, you should. But what may prove of even greater value would be for you to hear it read aloud. A while back, I took the liberty (no pun intended) of creating a video that provides a brief history of the events that led up to that balmy day of July 4, 1776 when a small group of individuals came together and birthed a new nation.
I hope you will enjoy this video and find it informative. My recitation cannot possibly do justice to the solemnness and profoundness of that sacred moment. My hope, my prayer is that I captured at least a small measure of the essence and spirit of that time.
My goal is to remind us all that though this country is far from perfect, our founding principles and ideals were and still are noble, and they should continue to be honored and upheld. Had to split the video into two parts to fit here. Feel free to use the link below to see it in its original full length.
https://rumble.com/vm0doj-you-may-want-to-rethink-july-4th.html
Happy Independence Day! May God continue to bless America.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Reading The Signs. Staying In Your Lane.
With Summer officially here, many of us may be hitting the road to enjoy a much needed trip or vacation. Most of us will rely on an app or some form of GPS to get us to our destination. That got me thinking.
How reliable is your GPS?
I am the first to admit that I have a terrible sense of direction. My father, Mr. Geography Incarnate, couldn’t understand how I never mastered North, South, East, or West. I simply worked with left, right, up or down. Not his proudest moment, I’m sure. To his credit, he did teach me how to read maps and write down directions. Of course, my directions always included a million landmarks to help give me confidence that I was going the right way. This system usually worked out all right until I was detoured. I only had directions for this specific way, and now I’m being taken somewhere else! Panic inevitably ensued.
With advancements in technology, we really don’t have to think too much about how to get anywhere. We simply type in the address and our app displays the best route. It lets us know what’s up ahead, if there are any delays, and suggests alternates to shorten our travel time. It’s very convenient, until it stops working. I recently had a couple of experiences where my app took me to the wrong place. I had typed in the correct address, but for whatever reason, it took me somewhere else. I’ve also had situations where I’ve hit a dead spot and my navigation either stalled or disconnected completely. That’s a little frightening, isn’t it? You think all is well and then you hear, “You’re back online”. I’m back online? When was I offline?! “Rerouting.” Rerouting?! I’m a half-mile from a bridge with no off-ramp. Where am I going?!!
Let’s say that your navigation is behaving and you’re cruising along the highway. Life is good. Suddenly you see a dreaded sign letting you know that in one mile your beautiful three-lane road will be squeezing into a single lane of chaos due to road work. Do you merge now or stay in your lane until the last possible moment?
I usually merge once I see the first sign or shortly thereafter. But I am always fascinated by my fellow travelers who see the same sign I did, but absolutely refuse to acknowledge and adjust. In fact, some of these folks will even go so far as to wait until there is literally nowhere for them to go. Their lane is coned off or blocked, and they’re still in it! I don’t get it.
When I’m in the lane that is being merged into and I see that horrific line of vehicles clogging up to my right, I usually leave some room for one car to enter. It seems like the right thing to do. But I am always surprised at how many drivers won’t accept my invitation. They’d rather stay in the soon-to-be-non-lane because they might get a few car lengths ahead of me. Eventually, I encounter these same individuals again. Now they’ve come to the end of their road and they’re forced to sheepishly signal and meekly merge. Perhaps they’ve learned their lesson, but probably not. Of course, following quickly on their heels is some fool who believes that my gracious invitation is for them too. It is not. You can get behind me and rethink your life choices.
Do you switch or stay in your lane?
If I’m driving any distance on a three-lane highway, I tend to merge into the middle lane. I’m not entirely sure why I do it. I guess it’s because the right lane is constantly going through stop-and-start cycles from on- and off-ramps, and the left lane is for those who are secretly living out their dream of driving on the Autobahn or competing in Nascar™. I will change lanes if someone is driving particularly slow or has decided that there’s room in my trunk for their vehicle too. But, I can’t wait to get back to my middle lane. It’s not that I feel especially safe there. After all, I’m surrounded by other vehicles on all sides. I don’t really have a great escape plan if things break bad, but yet it’s where I tend to land. I stay in my lane.
How good are you at reading and interpreting signs?
As I mentioned earlier, my Pops taught me to read maps and write directions. He also taught me to be aware of all the road signs. This can be a bit overwhelming when you’re on a busy highway with left- and right-side exits and entrances, or where a main road splits into two or more. Have you ever ridden down a stretch of highway where there seems to be more signs than actual road? Even Pops found himself challenged on our vacations to California when confronted by their freeways. He’d proudly merge with a smile and announce, “I’m back.” This was his Mount Everest, and he was going to conquer it. He left his mark, if only in our collective memories.
Does having a good GPS, staying in your lane, or reading and interpreting signs apply anywhere else besides driving?
If you’ve read any of my work, you know that I often tie human experiences to spiritual concepts and ideas. As I was preparing this piece, I couldn’t help but think of the subject matter’s impact beyond its obvious realm: driving. Think about it. How often have we heard the expression, “Stay in your lane”? It’s often used to encourage someone to stick with what they know or do what they know how to do. It can also be used to politely tell someone to mind their business. Stay over there.
I’m sure you’ve heard or even said at one time or another, “It’s a sign” when something supported a belief. I recently had such an experience when I had been telling my niece that we need to get back to Hawaii and then found myself stopped at a light behind a car with the label “Kona”. To me that was a sign that we will get back to Kona. Someone else may not see it as a sign; they may see it as just another car in front of me at a light. It all depends on your interpretation. I’m sure that same car stopped at many more lights and no one took any notice of it. Same sign, different interpretations.
And what about your GPS? In Christian circles we sometimes use the term your “knower”. It can often be confused with your gut reaction to something or someone, but it is deeper than a visceral response. We believe that the Holy Spirit was given to us to help guide us through life. He will often set off an internal alarm when we’re headed in the wrong direction. We can choose to listen to or ignore it. Whenever I’ve chosen to dismiss it, I’ve usually ended up in a dead-end situation. I’m now the car that ran out of road and is sheepishly, meekly signaling and hoping to merge. Have I learned my lesson? Time will tell.
I never expect you to take my word alone as truth or facts. That’s why I always bring receipts.
All verses are from the NIV version on biblegateway.com, emphasis added.
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. (Psalm 119:105)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; (Psalm 37:23)
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
When you’re feeling unsure of where to go and what to do in your life, please know that there is One way that guarantees a healthy outcome:
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13-14)
The Lord gave us His Holy Spirit as the perfect navigation tool for life. He never quits or drops out. You may get rerouted, but you will always get to your destination. Stay in your lane and keep reading and interpreting His signs. You’ll leave your mark.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
The Love Of A Father
This coming Sunday is Father’s Day. In honor of the occasion, I am dedicating this week’s blog post to the fathers, both natural and spiritual. What do I mean by that? Well, there are the fathers we have through birth or adoption or family blending. But there are other father figures we can be blessed to know. These men may or may not be related to us. They act as mentors, examples, and role models for us as we’re growing up and even in our adult years. They look out for us. They care for us. They try to keep us on the right path in life.
Father’s Day can be difficult for some. There are those of us whose father is no longer with us. There are others who may never have known their father. Others may not have a healthy or good relationship with their father.
This will be the third year celebrating Father’s Day with Dad in heaven. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. I still find myself thinking, “What should I get Pops?” whenever there’s a commercial on TV. Pops was a tough customer. Buying presents for him was always challenging. He had simple tastes and didn’t really get into the latest and greatest tech devices or anything like that. How many shirts and ties can you buy one man? Recently, we were cleaning out his and Mom’s closet. I believe we found 252 ties (only a slight exaggeration). We came across many boxes of sweaters, shirts and such that he never even wore once. No one was surprised.
I have some of his clothes now. I tried to pick items that he had worn because that made them more special to keep. But I won’t lie; I believe I have some items that still have tags on them. That was my Dad: a simple yet complex man.
In case it hasn’t become abundantly clear, I am and always will be a Daddy’s little girl. I would venture to say that all three of his daughters would proudly claim that title. Our Dad was very special and way ahead of his time. He was extremely intelligent without being arrogant. He was funny, sweet, kind. He raised his girls to be capable and independent, yet we frequently desired his wisdom and advice. I rarely made any major life decisions without seeking his counsel first. I didn’t always heed his wise words, but I always ran things by him. I miss having him here as a sounding board, ready to give sober assessment of my latest crazy life adventure.
Dad was our hero. Some called him Superman. I thought of him more as Sherlock Holmes (minus the violin and opium addiction). Like Holmes, Pops was usually the smartest person in any room. He could decipher any mystery, fix any problem, and remember every detail from history to the present. He had such a sly wit and truly embraced his dry sense of humor. He enjoyed teasing us, bluffing during family game time, and telling a tall tale. Eventually, I learned to check his blue eyes to see if he was fibbing. He had a great poker face, but the twinkle in those beautiful baby blues would give him away.
I remember when I was about 11 or 12 years old: the age of awkwardness. My hormones are everywhere, I look weird, and I’m getting too grown to sit on Dad’s lap. I desperately wanted to build a stronger connection with him. It wasn’t that he was distant, but I saw how he and my brother would sit and watch sports together and laugh and joke. I wanted to laugh more with my Dad too.
And one day it happened. I don’t remember the specific incident, whether I was telling a silly story or joke or just acting goofy. But I remember that Pops smiled and laughed. That was it for me. I think I spent the rest of my days with him doing whatever I could to make him laugh. I would give anything to have one more opportunity to make him smile.
I was fortunate to never struggle with understanding how God is our Father and how much He loves us. My Dad set a beautiful example. I do understand, however, that many people will never know the love of a good father here on earth. That is a sad truth. Father’s Day can be a painful reminder of that reality for some.
I’ve known people whose fathers were absent or abusive or died way too young. I’ve known some people whose fathers were around but not present. Their dads would work all day, come home, gulp down a meal with their family, and then they were off to their workshop or garage or office.
Since my Dad passed I find myself leaning even more on my Father in heaven. My prayers often resemble the chats I once had with Dad. And, yes, I want God’s counsel before I make a move, but I don’t always listen to Him either. Consistency!
How can I feel close to a Father I can’t see or touch?
You may not believe me, but there have been times where I close my eyes and I can feel Him all around me. I get a sense of peace and warmth that words cannot describe. The closest example I can give of how it feels is like when I was little and would snuggle up on my Dad. I feel safe and secure. I feel loved. As I think about how much I love Him and, more importantly, how much He loves me (and you), I can be overcome by such a feeling of hope and love. Whatever was stressing me out and making me anxious or upset starts to fade away. I just feel His love.
How do I start to build a relationship with God?
We human beings are so good at making things complicated. Yes, the whole concept of God is kind of mind-blowing and existential. I’ll give you that. But God simplified it by giving us the Bible. (You knew I was going to bring the Book into the conversation. I always do.) That is the best way to start to know your heavenly Father.
If you doubt that God is your Father and loves you, good. I always come with receipts. I challenge you to read and reread these verses and see if they inspire or encourage you. Spoiler alert: He won’t neglect or reject you.
All verses are from the NIV version at biblegateway.com, emphasis added.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:18)
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1)
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. (Psalm 68:5)
This Father’s Day I ask you to take a moment and consider that, regardless of your relationship with your natural father, you always have a Father who loves you unconditionally. He will be with you through everything. You are His child no matter what. Nothing can separate you from His love. He sent His Son Jesus to come and pay the price for all the sins that humanity ever has or will do. All that is required of you is to accept that precious Gift of redemption, restoration, and pure love. If you ask me, that’s something you can’t put a price tag on, and it’s way better than any shirt and tie.
Happy Father’s Day.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
Are You Bruised Or Broken?
I have spent the past few weeks packing up and hauling out a lifetime of memories, memorabilia, and furniture. As a result, my body is covered in bruises. It’s always an interesting experience stepping into the shower and discovering all the new editions to my black-and-blue family. I’m often surprised at just how colorful they can be. I’m also a little unsettled by the randomness of their placement. How did I get a bruise next to my belly button? Who gets that?
As I collapsed on my sofa one evening and began examining the new connect-the-dots pattern on my left bicep, I started thinking about bruises and broken bones. I was in the healthcare field for six years working in physical therapy. I treated patients with everything from: strokes to heart issues to fractures to surgical procedures. No matter what their reason for being in the facility, my department’s job was to help them achieve their highest possible functional level. The goal was to, hopefully, get them back to their prior level. But that wasn’t always possible. The patient could be very motivated and give their all in therapy. We would meet their effort and keep pushing them forward. But sometimes the injury couldn’t be undone. For example, someone who suffered a stroke may have permanent damage. They may not get back the full use of that arm or that leg due to the effects of the stroke.
Nothing hurt our hearts more than to see someone fighting so hard for their recovery, only to find themselves hitting an insurmountable wall. It took a lot of prayer and care to encourage them and their loved ones to not be disappointed. I was disappointed. I always wanted every patient to be able to go home and live as they did before. In fact, I wanted them to go home better than they were prior to whatever had brought them to our doorstep. That didn’t always happen. I used to joke that we’re in physical therapy but the therapy isn’t just physical. Many sessions required me to be a cheerleader (figuratively and literally). Other times I had to put on my counseling cap. Doing that job gave me some of the greatest and worst moments of my working life. I am so grateful for the years I spent helping others. It was humbling, frustrating, joyful, draining, and amazing often at the same time.
We dealt with a senior population, so a decent amount of patients were in the facility because they had fallen. I always felt so awful for these sweet souls who would come in covered in bruises from head-to-toe. I’m not exaggerating. Some of these lovely people would have a bruise that started from the top of their head and seemed to end at the bottom of their feet. Many of the women would be embarrassed because of how they looked. They didn’t want anyone to see them like that. The bruises didn’t necessarily hurt, but their presence caused these ladies a great deal of pain. They couldn’t wait until the colors started to fade and could be covered up with makeup.
Are you covering up any bruises?
I certainly have, and I don’t mean physical ones. I’m talking about the ones that you can’t see but you definitely feel. Whether it was an unkindness done to you, or a betrayal or a disappointment from a loved one, or whatever your specific example may be, you got bruised. There’s a saying about how you can bruise someone’s ego. It’s usually meant in a somewhat derogatory manner directed at someone who was rightly deserving of the takedown. And I’m willing to admit that I’ve gotten more than my fair share of those bruises. They hurt too, but if we learn our lesson, we tend not to get so many of them in the future.
There is, however, a different kind of bruising not of the ego, but of the heart. This is what I want us to focus on for a little bit. If I’m being honest, I’ve had my heart bruised and I’ve also had it broken more than once.
Is it better to be bruised than broken?
I don’t know if there is a better option. They both hurt. You might say that a broken heart is the worst thing to get over. I’d be inclined to agree with you, but then I think of my own experiences. As awful as the heart break was, that place was a place of finality. The breaking typically meant a breaking away from whatever or whoever had hurt me. Yes, it was very hard to recover. I’m not discounting that. But in the end, there was a strange kind of release and freedom. Has that ever happened with you?
In contrast, when my heart’s been bruised I’ve tended to stay in the situation. I may or may not even verbalize that I’ve been hurt. I just try to cover it up until the colors fade and disappear. Have you ever noticed how some physical bruises take a really long time to heal? They can even seem to get larger and uglier before they’re gone. They seem to stick around forever! They manage to go through all the colors of the rainbow. For some unknown reason, I always keep hitting that bruised spot over and over again.
Come to think of it, I see some parallels between my physical and emotional bruising. When my heart is hurting, it doesn’t heal in a quiet or small way. The pain may increase and get “larger” with time as I relive and overthink the injury again and again. The “colors” change as my thoughts or feelings about the injury evolve. I may go from angry to upset back to angry, take a quick detour to depressed then back to angry again. So many pretty colors. And I just can’t help but hit that sore spot over and over again while I’m supposed to be healing. Can you relate?
Time heals all wounds, or is it time wounds all heels? I’m good with either one. But seriously, time is a beautiful gift when it comes to healing whether it is from physical or emotional injuries. Initially it may seem that time almost stops. We can feel stuck and wonder if we’ll ever feel better again. We can. We will. I think deep down a small part of us may even know that. We just hurt too much to concentrate on anything else.
Healing is a process. It’s not one you have to do alone.
If you’re reading this and you’re dealing with bruised emotions or a broken heart, let me encourage you. You. Will. Get. Better. But don’t take my word for it; you know I brought receipts.
All verses were from the NIV version at biblegateway.com, emphasis added.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
We are fortunate to have a loving Father in heaven who is close to us and helps us heal. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or that it will happen in an instant. If you need to speak with a professional, please do so. Just as some physical injuries require medical interventions, so may our emotional ones. Your specific path is your business. I’m just here to encourage you to take that first step. I want you to know that I pray for you and believe with you that your broken heart can mend. I agree with you that those emotional bruises are painful. But they won’t last forever. You know what does last forever? God’s love for you. We don’t call Him the “Great Physician” for no reason. Make an appointment with Him today. He’s always got time in His schedule for you. No waiting. Unlike those times when our patients would plateau or hit a wall and their progress would stop, if you let Him, He can bring you back to wholeness. Let Him do His work to help you mend and come back stronger than you were before you got hurt.
Until next time: stay happy, stay healthy, stay in the know.
Look forward to hearing from you,
-Kat
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